1. |
BEAUTY ROUTINE
03:15
|
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small and sharp
i stand up
a little white mouse
with tiny red eyes
watching your gnashing teeth
tell me how happy i could be
been meaning to tell you
i’ve been practicing
extreme forms of distraction
brush my teeth as
an act of desperation
show me a beauty routine
to erase me
completely
|
||||
2. |
PINK
06:50
|
|||
defective and invariable
we are untouched by it
patrick runs a red light and
i am in the backseat
i am watching your mouth
in a rearview mirror
pensive like a child
my parents blazer
1996
six months and
are you still afraid of my want
sun hot on my eyelids
i’m flinching but you pretend not
to notice
i am reading sam pink in your bed
he says
“living another 50 years seems impossible”
your eyes roll back and
i think of babies born
first scream into infinity and
i am tired
heavy with sweat
when i pull you out of your sweater
flinching with the awareness of a newborn
|
||||
3. |
||||
walk, knowing you are not the last one
topped only by our lack of interest
i would not expect them to notice
you were desperate to feel
like a special kind of person
our defense
buried in the scraps
we fed you
why such casual experience
most days
i’m dumb
startled and knowing at once the answer
slipping it into your pocket
my dad has never talked about
his mom without crying and
i wonder how much
you can fit inside a painting
|
||||
4. |
BLAME KIT
04:14
|
|||
why leave it alive
shift your weight
from both sides
until you’re exhausted
why leave it alive
shift away
altered light
make yourself
available
not the first time
i’ve watched her body expand
a hundred times its size to
contain everything
your subtle detachment
spit straight from the mouth of
a modern blame kit
camouflaged as justice
we watch your facade
retreating inward
i’ve seen them
spit you out
adapt value
|
||||
5. |
BAPTIST TRAUMA
03:19
|
|||
bearing almost pure tarnish
image starving the traffic
rake arms
unlearn magic again
bloom all possible torture
into something thrilling
batch all perfect thorns
into something thrilling
silent trouble
render another ugly method
into something thrilling
|
||||
6. |
WESTERN MEDICINE
05:34
|
|||
i wrote six lies
cover me by night
test my indifference
or whatever you’d call it
measure myself against
your postured words
i died six times
in your office, wide-eyed
you say
well you seem quite healthy so
don’t be needy
doctor annoyed by your visit
and god bless the brave men
of western medicine
where the flower
is stamped out
when it refuses
to grow without water
god bless the brave men
|
||||
7. |
CIRCLE ONCE
04:56
|
|||
one on each side of the head
and how do i make sense of it
your voice somehow louder
the farther you walk away
when i am both bigger
and smaller than
my body
i’ll get so much brighter
we’ve all said it
once over
tell me, are you not terrified
of your body
i’m not mine
turning the words over
in your mouth
you circle once, lay down
you circle once and lay down like a dog
|
||||
8. |
MUTUAL AGREEMENT
05:40
|
|||
hard to focus
efforts fruitless
mirror high-brow bullshit
sit still and
quietly dissect the motive
miniature when
i agree at once
forget my body
give into
something scary
feel the made-up feelings
it is said so many different ways
distinguish conjecture from genius
unconvinced of my contribution
give all of your improvements
left to contest speculation
near-sighted, safe again
is this how you stay honest?
our mutual agreement
how you stay honest when
i’m on my way out
make up like always
|
||||
9. |
MOTHER AND WIFE
07:53
|
|||
spectators made sense of us
watched parts of you i’d never touch
and how you’re rolling fast away
it’s terrifying
when i touch two fingers to your stomach
you ask if i feel saved
we are in the bathtub
and i am dripping water on your face
when you say
with gods hands around your neck
you felt frightened
but mostly he was
making you come
eyes unmoving
it’s you or it is nothing
is it not obvious
mother and wife
mother i’ve tried
and lately they’ve become the same
the bed that i was born in
the mattress i could die with
|
||||
10. |
||||
like them
you’ve stopped trying
dangerous when left
unchallenged
you find this uncanny feeling
worse than pretense
i am excited by the prospect
of living without a body
i am ungrateful and this proves it
you find it easy to adapt
to an environment carefully constructed
for your purposes
i am ungrateful and this proves it
here you will find it less exhausting
to abuse anything in particular
i am ungrateful and this proves it
like them
you’ve stopped aging
sponsored by the system
we find this uncanny feeling
frightening
i am excited by the prospect
of living without a body
i am ungrateful and this proves it
you find that punishing others
provides temporary relief
i am ungrateful and this proves it
you find movement to be
suddenly debilitating
i am ungrateful and this proves it
i am excited by the prospect
of living without a body
i am ungrateful and this proves it
|
||||
11. |
FAT CHANCE
06:02
|
|||
more slowly
come here please
can he see
the two eyes
doing our best to sing
you must keep quiet
the hands are the organs of feeling
one hundred
gold night-dresses
flayed open
when i close you open
how many fingers
must you put in my mouth
to muffle my apology
with our mouths open
everybody laughed
fat chance and
mouth
under the mouth
ask him how many
fingers he has
|
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